Whatever, Whoever: It’s Christmas

“Of course!”, her high soprano voice bellowed, “the two fattest motherfuckers in the family are in the kitchen —exactly where they don’t need to be!”  My Great Aunt Sue entered my childhood home spewing her typical insults as she spotted my mother and my uncle doing various tasks to prepare for Christmas dinner.  “Aunt Sue” (as I was told to call her despite being my great-aunt — maybe ‘cause no one could accept there was anything great about her) had on one of her typical outfits:  a brightly colored, polyester suit (typically wide-legged pants and a long sleeveless vest), with a blouse that had a self-tying bow at the collar, patent leather loafers (either white or black depending on the time of year), and at least one large brooch.

She never seemed to be able to stuff all of her hair underneath her curly, auburn wig, so random gray stalks…

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